One thing a person never wants to hear : You seem to lack confidence.
Unfortunately those words became my reality as I engaged in a quick passing conversation with one of my good friends, and past colleagues at a party over the weekend. What was most sad about this statement was the undeniable fact that I have heard these words more than just a few times in my life from several different people. And although I shake my head and show the person speaking these words my comprehension, I have done nothing, to very little over the years to change this sad pattern of self-deprecation.
Now, I’m going to be quite honest, and I apologize if this makes me sound conceited in any way (because, obviously this is NOT the case), but I have been told several times over the years that I am very successful and blessed for how young I am, and how much I have achieved when compared to others in their twenties. I’ve been working in fashion for almost a decade, I worked and interned my way up in marketing for 6 years, and have been featured in several blogs and editorial sites for my brand associations and professional art, so I should feel great about myself, right? However, the sad truth is I still feel as though I barely come up short to anything close to what “success” is. I still see myself as a junior person, and feel as though I’m second class to all of my counterparts who effortlessly exude confidence that is light-years away from me. I understand what I do. I understand what I’m marketing. I OWN my skills. So why the self-doubt?
It may derive from growing up when others would call me weird, awkward, or an airhead. These statements made by actual people towards my character have definitely left me feeling burnt and unworthy, and although others would give advice along the lines of “don’t listen to them..” or “what others say about you shouldn’t be your concern,” there’s still a voice in my head that likes to sizzle and reflect upon these hurtful words. So I suppose my insecurity may very well lie directly in the confides of my own brain. I know that there’s others who share the same insecurities that I so direly struggle with, so I’m sure you can connect with me on some sort of level. I just need to figure out how to defeat these demons, and move forward. Because as time has told, the only way to advance in this journey called life, I need to conquer and destroy those trolls that block my way over the bridges.
So what next? Do I fake it until I make it…or do I just continue on in this neurotic, self-loathing pattern?
Happy humpday, and salutations! I’ve been meaning to updating this thing regularly, but have found that this past month has been nothing short of bananas. Lots of exciting new things in the works, and lots of craziness to follow with it. However, today I wanted to break my blogging-silence, and share some information that has found its way into my email-box which I feel is extremely important to talk about. Those who know me, know of my dire love and obsession with dogs. And not just “yea, dogs are cute.” But more along the lines of wanting to one day open up a home where I can foster rescued pups that need a loving family. My heart is overwhelmingly heavy for dogs, and have felt the need to help out whenever I can. Yesterday the inspiring and talented artist, Sophia Chang, had sent over an email asking for help to find homes for a triple-dose of love, these adorable Pomeranians.
Here is a bit of info:
Gender: All Female
Age: All 10 years old
Their Story: Their owner had passed away so they were surrendered at a dog rescue.
Temperament: Patient, Loving Kind.
- They are great walkers, they are most active when the walk, otherwise they just lay around.
- They are friendly towards all dogs and humans. No barking, pulling or signs of aggression.
- They are looking for a forever home to spend their last days.
- They are very easy to care for since they’re old. Great for cuddling on the couch.
- They are house-broken! Yay!
Location: Queens, New York
If you are interested, or know of someone who is, please contact her at email@example.com
I haven’t really been impressed or obsessed with any recent collections from most brands this past year, but when I recently came across the latest from Madewell, I honestly lost my shit. Give me lazy “Sunday morning at the Laundromat,” and I’m in. From simple frocks paired with Vans Slip On’s, to patterned jumpers under a tailored moto-jacket, I’m as down – as down can get! Their Spring ’14 collection is right up my alley, and is truly what I envision my dream closet to look like. Plus…what DOESN’T look good with a pair of Vans? (I may be bias on that one, but whatever.) One thing I’ve been noticing a lot lately is the fact that many brands are beginning, or already have incorporated streetwear elements into their line, which is never NOT a good thing. How this trend plays out into 2014 should be interesting. Trends and styles always seem to recycle themselves, however, it’s fascinating how the immortalized menswear trend has evolved into the modern-day streetwear look and culture.
I have 3 major loves in my life: My friends and family (which is technically 2, but whatev..), food, and clothing (I feel like using the term ‘fashion’ is way too pretentious). What happens when you take 2 out of the 3 and combine them? Well, Dubai-based designer, Lara Atkinson, does just that with her insanely clever collection of painfully DELICIOUS looking popsicles, inspired by S/S ’13′s most prominent collections (again..pretentious). Not only do these popsicles look way too amazing with their intensely vibrant hues and prints, but they kind of out-do the very ensembles they were inspired by. Is that too bold to claim? I’m KIND of obsessed with the Kenzo pop…so much so I’d wear ONLY the popsicle, and its wrapper. Again…is that too bold?
Source: Apple is Black
I’ve been putting off this post for some time, and now after months and months of a severe case of procrastination, I finally feel OK enough to just start writing on this blog again. I mean…Not that anyone besides my mother (hey, mom.) really reads this thing. But WHTVR. Recently I’ve made yet again, another monumental change in my life. I mean, that’s what people in their twenties do, right? They move and move, and change and change until they find a scenario that finally just fits. Well, 4 years into my twenties, and I somehow still feel like I’m not QUITE there yet. However, with my previous move from Boston, I do feel as though I’ve really made a dent in the venture. I met some amazing people, experienced some life-changing things, and even saw snow for the first time! Now, I’m not going to get into too much detail, since you’ve probably read my previous drama-filled/20′s angst post-breakup blog entries. However, what I will say is I’m so glad I’ve made the decision to move back to LA. I haven’t been this happy and refreshed for a long long time…and it only took me moving 3,000 miles, dating a complete asshole who completely broke my heart, and working with a ton of childish ‘professionals’ to really figure it out. Everything is just peachy. I moved into my dream apartment, have my dream job, and live with my dream pup…things simply can’t get any better. Here’s to a new start…and to the suckers I left behind. See ya’.
Photos by Peter Schwab
Don’t know if you’re well aware, but girls are actually really stupid. Like….really, REALLY stupid. Now before you jump to any conclusions, I am in no way excluding myself from the “stupid” bin. I myself am part of that group and I HATE it. Sure we all like to put on this obnoxious front that we’re these super chill and down to earth creatures, but dig a little deeper into that cool exterior, and you’re sure to find an idiot buried in a pile of “right things to say” and loads of pseudo confidence. Again, don’t kill me just yet. I have my reasoning behind this conclusion I’ve made. It has a little something to do with us thinking we’re doing all the right things, when in fact we’re 1 mile away from dropping completely into a ditch full of mistakes and eye-rolls. Whether we think we’re doing these things to help other people out, or just think we’re being way too awesome beyond words, these mistakes can and have been made time and time again, and I am really just over it. But why do we keep doing stupid things? It drives me absolutely NUTS. Sometimes I even know I’m being stupid, and yet I just let the stupidness happen. It’s maddening. Forgive me while I rant a little, but these stupid habits have GOT to go…
- Write people off just because they’re not wearing the “right” clothes. Please people, please. This isn’t high school anymore. Sure I’ve written someone off because they wore flip flops to a night club ( for OBVIOUS reasons!), but to be defining someones style as “not quite you” says something terrible about you…You’re an idiot.
- Revolve your life around someone else. This is obviously something you just should not do, and yet I find that me and other girls tend to do this. What happens when that person is gone? What do you have? Just a horrible, death-like feeling of emptiness in the pit of your stomach because you decided to prioritize someone else over everything else in your life. Shame. I SAID SHAME. I don’t know why we all do this. Hell, I don’t know why I do this. I guess we just think that the other person is just as in-love with us as we are with them, and so we’re just going to live in a cherub filled storybook world where the only thing that matters is love, and cuddling all day. Real life sucks. I know. So might as well be selfish and just keep your priorities on yourself.
- Talk obnoxiously loud because the person you have a crush on is 5 feet away from you, and they just have to know how funny you are. Seriously. You’re hilarious. You just want to make sure they hear how hilarious you are. They may not laugh, but you just KNOW they’re totally going to laugh about it later on to their friends. Seriously. I promise. You really are funny.
- Make YouTube videos with your friends talking about NOTHING because, like number 3, you’re actually REALLY funny. People on the interweb might not think so, but your group of friends and you SWEAR you deserve a TV show.
- Overly share your creepy (annoying) relationship with your fitness plan through your social media accounts. Ok. You’re healthy, you don’t put salt in your food, and you NEVER eat sweets. I get it. We ALL get it. I’m not sure it’s necessary to make a post a day on Instagram sharing the same hashtags and photos of you in a bathing suit telling us to #eatclean and #bethin. I’m pretty sure behind this obsessively narcissistic act of yours, there’s a hint of sincere sympathy towards other peoples #health, but all I see if your incredibly STUPID craving for attention.
Bitter? Maybe. Sorry? Never.